Monday, June 30, 2008

Skeletor for a Better Eternia!

Really, I should have made this entry years ago, but frankly, it's time. Credit for the germ of this realization comes from a friend named Frank who asked, "Eternia is a shit hole, why is Skeletor so adamant about taking it over?"

He has a point, think back to the old He-Man cartoons-the land is barren, craggy, under-developed. Farms and population is largely sparse. And yet, what does 'Prince' Adam spend his time on? I mean, when not acting like a moron to reassure those around him? War. Look at those around him, Man at Arms (and the nepotistic appointment of his daughter), Ram-Man. War mongers all. And Man-e-Faces? I wouldn't be surprised if he is used as a kind of press secretary. And who is He-Man loyal to? Eternia or Grayskull and its secretive 'Sorceress'?

Does He-Man work to build infrastructure? Irrigation, aqueducts, bridges? No. He build Dragon Walkers.

Is that helping Eternia's farmers get their product to market? No, it's helping Eternia's playboy whip around the land in possibly the most destructive way possible.

But what of Skeletor? Surely all of these ridiculous excesses are forgivable in the light of such a threat? Right?

I submit that we've been lied to. Look at the people Skeletor surrounds himself with-Beast Man, Mer-Man, Moss-Man...this is an environmentalist cabinet if there ever was one. These are people connected to nature in a way that He-Man all but ignores. Hell, Skeletor even makes his home in the swamp to be close to the only growth that Eternia has.

It's clear-we've been lied to. The He-Man cartoons were nothing more than He-Man propaganda to support the corrupt and war mongering He-Man regime. Take a look at this last half of an episode from the 'new' series-

What's the moral at the end, "Well always need He-Man." Adam 'foolishly' decides that maybe Eternia should break its dependence on Grayskull, perhaps even try a little diplomacy. That leads only to him having to be rescued by his war buddies.

Even worse, the power of organization and co-operation that Skeletor proposes is personified in terms of war (using the slogan 'behold the Power of One' from the US Army) and characterized as a massive skeleton demon that has to be defeated by, you guessed it, He-Man. Eternia will always need He-Man because they need him to put down collectivity in Eternia when the masses get together and say, "Give us bridges, not Dragon Walkers!"

It's clear. Skeletor has a better plan for Eternia. He stands for the environment, for the collected masses. He stands against He-Man's military extravagances, and his loyalty to the mysterious 'Sorceress'. Don't believe the lies fed to us by the He-Man propaganda machine through those deceptive cartoons! Viva Skeletor! Viva la Revolution!

Brought to you be the Friends of Skeletor or a Better Eternia, "Build Bridges, Not Dragon Walkers."


  1. Anonymous3:59 PM

    I think we just elected Skeletor.

  2. Anonymous4:02 PM

    Sorceress help us! He-man save us from the Skeletor Nation!

  3. Anonymous4:04 PM

    Now we're having bailouts for United Windraider Makers.